What does eating clean mean? Washing your food in the dishwasher? This word has intrigued me as of late. Are nation is fat-as-hell yet, we’re claiming to “eat clean.” If you were to search The Google, you’d come across commonalities such as low fat, low carb, low sugar, low salt, low red meat, No GMO, and orgimmicks- whoops, I mean organics. I’m here to help shape your understanding on healthy eating.
First things first, I am not a dietitian, nutritionist, or nutritional guru. I keep up with the scientific literature from the likes of Alan Aragon’s Review, Kris Gunnars website Authority Nutrition and I watch Doctor Oz- KIDDING! Did you know over 50% of the shit he says is baseless or flat-out wrong? I feel for y’all because you literally have no idea how to eat. According to the news, you can’t eat anything because carbs are bad, protein damages your kidneys, and fat is the devil. Here’s a great article from Alan Aragon’s blog in 2010 about broscience and eating carbs at night.
For you, good nutrition can begin with a few simple steps:
“Drink more water. We’re a chronically dehydrated nation. Water can help mitigate the obesity epidemic that were because it keeps us full, every cell needs H2O for optimal functioning, and there’re no calories. Thirst and hunger have similar mechanisms- are you hungry or thirsty? The average person can’t decipher between the two so what do you think they lean towards? PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!
“Eat more protein. I don’t care what your protein preferences are (vegetarian, vegan, etc.) you need to eat more protein (unless you have kidney problems.) Most protein suggestions are based on individual anecdotes, “I have a six-pack and can run a 5-minute mile, therefore, you need to eat 38g of protein like I do” OR celebrity suggestions, “I ate lean meat during my low carb diet and it worked!” – Tiger Nose (Is he a celebrity yet?) Please, someone challenge me to get “ripped” or put on 40lbs for a film with a 10-million dollar incentive- get out of here! IN MY OPINION, it ain’t that impressive when a celebrity goes through a transformation for a film. THEY’RE GETTING PAID MILLIONS and have dietitians and trainers at their disposal. Here’s what I want you to do. Take your body weight and divide by 2.2 (1kg = 2.2lbs). Now that we’re in Kg’s, multiple the number between 1.2-1.8g/kg. Eric Helms makes this recommendation for individuals trying to lose weight. If your goal is weight loss and you don’t want to do the math, take your weight in protein, and subtract a little, that’ll work for now.
“ELIMINATE GRAINS! DUM DUM DUM; OHH BOY, LET THE COMMENTS COMMENCE. Here’s when I really mind F-you- GRAINS AREN’T BAD! Saayyyyyyy what???? I’m all about the mindset of eating. I feel that people take a negative approach towards food (and life in general.) “I ate like shit this weekend, therefore I need to do more cardio.” We use exercise as a form of punishment for eating something that we enjoy. The problem doesn’t lie in a specific food group, it’s in your behavior. If you want to eat sugar, eat it. If you want to drink booze, drink. Your mindset is what needs to change in order to lose weight. I CHALLENGE people to eliminate grains due to the fact that the average person depends on them too much. The average American breakfast consists of bagels, cereals, oatmeal, and breakfast sandwiches. For lunch: Sandwich, burger, and stir-fry. Then our biggest meal of the day is held at dinner, eating pasta, pizza, tacos, and burritos. MIND YOU, all of the aforementioned foods are amazing and not inherently bad in itself, it’s the AMOUNT THAT WE’RE EATING! Back to my boy Helms and his weight loss pyramid for success (not my boy, we’ve actually never met, but it’s my article so I can so whatever the hell I want). Notice the bottom, “total energy balance.” This refers to how many calories YOUR body needs to function. If you workout with weights, you need more calories to repair the damaged tissue. On days you don’t workout, you don’t need as much. Here’s a calculator that a student and I developed. If you’re not click happy, here’s another quick method: If you’re a male, take your weight and multiply by 10; females multiply by 9. On days that you exercise, multiple that total number by 1.2. This is your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR.) Are there other methods, OF COURSE. I’ve found in my years of teaching, the easier the better. Now that you have your protein concerns, and BMR figured out…
“NEVER GO HUNGRY. What happens when your CHECK ENGINE light appears when driving? Do you put a f&^%$#@ band-aid over the signal and ignore it? NO WAY. Why do we do this when our bodies give us signals? Headaches are amazing! They tell us something is wrong. Pain in your chest is a bad-ass symptom- you may be about to die, go to the damn hospital. Our bodies are constantly telling our fat-ass nation that we need to make a change, but we’re ignoring the signals. If you’re hungry, drink some water or eat some protein. It’s YOUR responsibility to distinguish between mental and physiological hunger. We’ve been Pavlovling the hell out of the human body ever since birth by eating at 8am, 12pm, snacks, and dinner. Why do you HAVE TO eat at certain times? Figure out a schedule that works for you. Whether if it’s two meals a day, or you’re carrying around a snazzy, 6-pack bag, you need to find a system that agrees with your lifestyle. If you’re hungry before bed, try some casein protein powder (or cottage cheese which has casein as well) with some fruit, so our livers are nice and fueled up for solid, deep sleep. Anyone that tells you not to eat before bed is stupid.
“BE HUMAN. In a few weeks, the average American will consume over 4,500 calories on Gobble Gobble Day. If the average female weighs 166lbs and you do a quick BMR calculation (166 x 9), that yields 1,494 calories. If this hypothetical individual we’re to go berserk and oink-oink out on 5,000 calories of food, she’d ONLY GAIN 1-lb of fat (there’re roughly 3,500 calories in 1lb of fat.) One day of overeating will not transform you into Pizza The Hut from Spaceballs.
The combination of poor habits over the course of many months is why your midsection looks like Santa Claus. My challenge to you this Thanksgiving Holiday is to ENJOY YOURSELF. You can eat whatever the hell you want, and yes you should aim for those 5,000 calories because life is short. Please don’t be that weirdo eating low-fat cheese or making a ToFu Tukey. Embrace our tradition of being around loved ones in gluttonous jubilee. You need to begin to plan for the week ahead by strategically prepping food, preparing for social events, and Winning the Week. If you follow our workout plans and dietary adherence, you’ll begin The New Year off better than you began last year. Win the Thanksgiving Week by lifting weights four days and you’ll be perfectly FINE. Here’s my workout schedule:
Monday the 21st: Chest and Back (INTERNATIONAL CHEST DAY BOY!)
Tuesday the 22nd: Legs and Shoulders
Thanksgiving 24th: Full-Body (Pyramid set s1- 15, 2-12, 3-8, 4-4, 5-8, 6-25) I will damage my body as much as possible so I can OINK-OINK OUT!
Friday: Hangover / Foodover
Saturday 26th: Play basketball
Sunday: Back and Arms
By planning ahead, I’ve already mentally WON THE WEEK!
The Chris Diet:
Diet is NOT A BAD WORD. Diet means what works for you- FIND OUT WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR BODY. Here’s a diet that works for me.
A Typical Day in The Chris Diet:
4:00 a.m. Wake up
4:15 a.m. 3 Fresh Squeezed oranges and 1 grapefruit with 40g of vanilla protein powder.
4:30 – 7:30 a.m. Write content for Show Up Fitness Santa Monica & Dublin with intermittent glances at pretty girls in yoga pants at Starbucks.
7:30 a.m. Breakfast burrito or sand-which with 4-eggs, and a source of meat with cheese and salsa.
8 a.m. – 10:00 a.m. Teach the best personal training students in the world.
10:30 a.m. Protein Bar
10:30 – 2:00 p.m. Teach
2:00 p.m. – 4 p.m. Personally Train clients.
4-5:30 p.m. Toss a shit ton of weight around in the gym Country Thor style.
5:30 p.m. Meal prep stir-fry concoction with 50-75g of protein.
5:30-8 Teach / write
8 p.m. My biggest meal of the day. Couple burgers, or stir-fry, protein shake before bed with some magnesium & zinc to replenish some of the micros that may have been depleted throughout the day.
830-930 p.m. YES, I eat right before I go to bed, I’m going to HELL!
GOALS: Weight Gain- I shoot for 3,500-4,000kcals a day.
If you’re having trouble discovering what you’re body needs, contact us now for a free assessment to help guide you on your way to SUCCESS! It begins by SHOWING UP!!!